I hate lipstick, lip balm, lip gloss, or anything else that begins with “lip” and involves applying anything to the named area. You’d think this would bother me because it’s essentially like eating wax and make-up, but actually that’s not bulk of the problem. No, the problem is that it feels odd, tastes icky, and smells bad (even if you get unscented lip[stuff]). Seriously, who’s idea was it to perfume lipstick? Did nobody look at a human face and realize that the nose is in the near vicinity of the lips? Even people who wear perfume don’t generally anoint their upper lips. They generally perfume things far away from their noses, like wrists.

And why don’t people seem to care that it tastes terrible? I mean… lips and mouths are pretty connected, and tongues (generally located inside of mouths) happen to be the parts of us that do most of our tasting. A couple of brands seem to have tried to remedy this by flavoring their lip[stuff], but that’s really no better. I don’t like fake fruit taste even in foods, so I’m definitely not a fan of fake fruits infused with wax and dust and silly putty.

Speaking of silly putty, lips are some of the most touch-sensitive areas on our bodies. You think they won’t notice a layer of stuff sitting on them?

Not only that, but it comes off, and you have to reapply it, and then it tastes, smells, and feels weird again. Personally, I prefer to do my hair and get made up once per day at the most. More than that is just annoying.

So if I do wear lip[stuff], I’ll apply it once and then figure it’s had it’s chance for the day. And I will do this occasionally, though I don’t know why. But most of the time I’ll just conveniently forget that part of the morning routine.