There’s nothing like the children’s Christmas program to cause heartache and stress in a church. Every year at my parents’ church the 4th grade girls wait in suspense to see which is the most Mary-ish of all. All year they give each other side-long glances in Sunday School and wonder if the Christmas program organizers are going to favor blond or brown hair this year, or whether they’ve grown too tall over the summer, or if it matters that they’ve started losing their front teeth. Can you be a proper Mary if you’re missing teeth? The pictures hanging in their Sunday school class rooms tend to show Mary with all her teeth, but they also show her with brown hair, and last year Gloria got to be Mary and she had blond hair…<\/p>\n
The only consolation is that if you get passed over for Mary, there’s still the chance that you’ll be deemed worthy to be the Angel. And every year the Angle works very hard to redefine her concept of yule-time beauty. Soft shades of blue and that mysterious but wonderful head scarf to are nothing, nothing<\/span> compared shimmering white and a ring of gold for your hair. (But maybe next<\/span> year I can be Mary.)<\/p>\n Meanwhile the boys seem to land unawares in the roles of Joseph or the Wise Men. And, truth be told, being a Wise Man is a lot more fun because there are those cool shimmery turbans and the jewel-encrusted knick-knack boxes to carry.<\/p>\n The smallest kids that can be trusted to walk up the aisle and sit still in the front of the church get to be sheep. Everyone looks forward to watching the sheep perform their important roles. They typically have their lines better memorized than anybody else (they get to stand with their class to recite lines with the rest of the kids), and they perform their roles with great solemnity in the hopes that next year they’ll be able to be a cow or, most coveted of animal roles, the donkey.<\/p>\n These sheep are aided in carrying out their roles by three shepherds. Two shepherds walk in front of them down the aisle, and one shepherd walks behind to make sure they all get to the front of the church without mishap. These shepherds, just a couple years older than the sheep, steer the young-uns to their stations in the tableau and then spend the rest of the program exploring the layers and ropes of their costumes.<\/p>\n This year, though, there was quite a bit of sheep\/shepherd drama. The last shepherd, the one charged with making sure they get to the front of the church without losing the sheep into the rows of parents sitting in the pews, got a little bit bored with his job. During the rehearsal he walked behind the two little sheep silently shooting them with imaginary pistols. In fact, he found this so amusing that the next morning, while all the be-costumed children waited to file into the church, he began shooting his sheep again. This time the sheep noticed and became understandably concerned. I tried discouraging the un-shepherdly practice, and then forbidding it, all with no effect. Finally, figuring it would discourage the practice if the shepherd didn’t get the satisfaction of an annoyed response from his sheep, I explained to the sheep that I was erecting a forcefield around them that would let air in but keep bullets out.<\/p>\n The sheep seemed doubtful. The shepherd knew for sure it would have no effect. Just to prove his point, he shot them again.<\/p>\n “Look,” I said, “the bullet bounced off and went right over there into the floor. Did you see that?”<\/p>\n Three pairs of eyes followed my pointing finger. The sheep looked at me in relief and admiration of my bullet-deflecting prowess. The shepherd looked at me in consternation and let out an involuntary, “Heeyyyyy…..”<\/p>\n Just to be sure, the shepherd tried again. This time the bullet flew into the opposite wall. “Heeeeyyyyyyy…..” the shepherd complained as the sheep sat calmly and contentedly within their forcefield and began comparing the ribbons and bows on their Christmas dresses.<\/p>\n In the face of such serenity, the shepherd decided it would be more interesting to look at the Wise Men and calculate how many more grades he’d have to advance before he’d be allowed to carry those gift boxes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There’s nothing like the children’s Christmas program to cause heartache and stress in a church. Every year at my parents’ church the 4th grade girls wait in suspense to see which is the most Mary-ish of all. All year they give each other side-long glances in Sunday School and wonder if the Christmas program organizers … Continue reading Through the Eyes of Babes<\/span>