Ornate moldings covered every inch of wall and ceiling, thick crimson curtains filled the doorways into the box seats, and 5 rows up a balding man in a well-pressed suit stood up to survey the crowd.
Staying Sane
Work decided to rise up and clobber me the last couple of weeks, and especially this week. Wall-to-wall meetings and classes and appointments mean that simply looking at my calendar induces claustrophobia, and yet I have to keep looking at it to make sure I get to the right things at the right times. Cruel world.
I would like to cope with this by getting home, kicking back, hanging out with friends in person or online, reading, writing, playing with the cat… all the normal things I do to relax. My body, though, has other ideas. Apparently I am now on a strict 8:30 bedtime, and like any good 2-year-old, things fall swiftly apart after that point. Of course, it never feels like my fault at the time. It feels like the merciless jabs inflicted by a relentless bully of a life. It feels like I’ll never catch up, never be healthy, never have a family of my own, alienate my friends…
But really I just need to pay attention, realize I’m tired, and go to bed even if it does feel ridiculously early and like I’ve had no time to do more than eat dinner. Apparently 11 hours of sleep at a stretch is the key to sanity, at least for now. Maybe I’ll even remember that at 8:30 tonight when I’m getting off of work. Maybe I’ll just go straight to bed when I get home. Maybe.
I wish I’d remembered that last night.
Stubborn Spring
Saturday evening a petulant cloud started scattering tiny, frigid rain drops here and there. It was never enough to call for the use of an umbrella. In fact, using one would probably have drawn the disapproving look of hardier folk, folk who weren’t above putting up with a little rain, folk turn their heat up to 60 degrees in the winter just to appease the unprepared guest, folk who spend most of the summer figuring out ways to stay cool that don’t involve air conditioning.
That same day, all the branches of all the trees seemed to swell ever so slightly, seemed to take on a redder hue and wait, poised, for some signal the warm days were hiding behind the needling rain. A few worms crawled out of their damp holes to drown on the sidewalk.

On Sunday, everything hunkered down to wait. Everything, that is, except for the not-quite-rain which continued to splatter everything, aiming especially for eyes and books and iPods, occasionally gathering itself for a vindictive surge and then sinking again into minor petulance.
And so things could have continued, I suppose, but they did not. They never do. Dull roots, stirring with spring rain, defiantly push past April’s cruelty and the ease of dormancy. The thickening tree limbs split open to reveal tiny leaves, and little purple flowers rushed to carpet the woodland floor.
I Remember…
… when “trillion” was an impossibly huge number that never came up in real conversation. Or newscasts.
… when “mid- to upper-30s” came with modifiers like “mild” or even “warm” in weather forecasts rather than “nippy.”
… when the idea of eating lunch outside seemed so remote as to be fictional.
… when I could walk farther than a mile without wilting.
… when I thought the worst that would likely happen to my job was a salary freeze. (The worst that could happen is another story entirely, but that’s not likely, so I won’t entertain those thoughts yet.)
… when getting into the car meant getting into something that was colder than you left it rather than warmer.
… when the phrase “back of the brain” didn’t seem so disorienting.
… when hearing the phrase “TEA parties” sounded like something that could be defined as “having parties involving the drinking of tea, the eating of crumpets, and light conversation.”
—————-
What a difference a short period of time makes.
Also, clearly much of what’s happened in my life recently is spring-related. And that’s a good thing.
Unaccustomed Life Forms
Walking from work to my car this evening, black spots floated in front of my eyes. I’d been ill the last couple of days and was still kind of wobbly, so I figured I’d better get to my car and sit down for a while. Then I realized that these were actual physical black spots, and they were flying, not floating.
It has been so long since it was last warm enough for life of that kind to exist out of doors that it took me well over a minute to recognize the gentle swarm upon swarm of lake bugs meandering through the spring air. They looked as confused as I felt.