It is very very cold.

It’s so cold that salt doesn’t melt the snow off the roads, so they’re switching to sand in the hopes of preventing even more spin-outs, flipped cars, and other nastiness.

It’s so cold that antifreeze-infused windshield wiper fluid freezes.

It’s so cold that when I blink, my eyes freeze shut just a little bit, so that every time I open them again it feels a little like lifting a foot up off of a sticky movie theater floor.

It’s so cold that exposed skin will become frost-bitten within 10 minutes.

It’s so cold that they tell us, “If you must travel today, be sure to pack your winter survival kit.”

I have no such kit. I didn’t know such a kit existed. But I duly cancelled my appointment 30 minutes north of here. I don’t want to die for the sake of new contact lenses.