Maybe it’s just me, but every time we create a new czar, I giggle. The first czar I remember giggling about was the Drug Czar. Then it seemed like every time there was a big, messy, un-accomplish-able job, we named new czars. Terrorism Czar, War Czar, Cybersecurity Czar… And now there’s a Car Czar being born who will be tasked with the impossible mission of fixing the auto industry? Really? I laugh.

Not only is it funny that we name positions for imperial rulers even though they have no actual empire to rule and even though we are, as a general rule, anti-empire (in theory, at least), but even next to all the other czars we’ve named, Car Czar sounds pretty ridiculous. And not only that, but at this point if somebody offered me a job with the word “czar” in the title, I’d run screaming because while it seems to mean “person with a lot of clout,” it actually means “person charged with accomplishing the impossible.” In fact, simply the fact that they’ve called for a Car Czar seems to imply that there’s no help for the auto industry after all.

But please, by all means, name a Car Czar. Pay this person handsomely to rule this metaphorical empire with an iron fist. (But whatever you do, don’t reveal that the job is hopeless and that it brings with it risk of being drawn and quartered by the media, society, and the world at large.) While we’re at it, let’s name an Environment Czar, and Anti-Poverty Czar, a World Peace Czar, a Time And Space Manipulation Czar, and a New CD Plastic Wrap Removal Czar. Oh, and I could use one to manage my life, too, if it’s not too much trouble.