Apparently, I am very nice. At least, that’s what people keep telling me. Which is good, I suppose. I mean, it’s nice to have people think you’re nice even when you didn’t work at convincing them of this.

But apparently there’s also a down-side. Not once, not twice, but three times this week good friends expressed their fear that I’d be “too nice” to tell them if they were bothering me. Three times in one week is quite a trend, so I thought I’d just lay this out straight: I’m not that nice.

I know it can be hard to tell the difference between polite conversation carried on for the sake of not hurting feelings and real conversation carried on for the sake of pure enjoyment of another person’s company. Goodness knows I worry all the time that my friends just put up with my conversation because it’s easier than telling me to go mind my own business and leave them in peace. I suppose this is just part of being human. So in the interests of clarity, here are two questions to ask yourself if you think I might be merely putting up with you:

• Do I initiated conversations with you that aren’t just work related?
• Do I tell you when I’m miserable or mad?

If either of these is true, I like you enough that I’m not just being polite. It’s that simple. You probably don’t know that these are hallmarks of great affection because you’ve never seen anything different from me, but they are. I’m usually pretty passive and don’t volunteer much when I’m just being nice (which, again, you wouldn’t know, never having experienced that).

Occasionally, I’m not in the mood to talk even if I normally enjoy your company. When this happens, I’ll say so. I promise.