I wonder what it is that makes people (myself very much included) reluctant to express appreciation. Is it just me? I often either feel uncomfortable telling people I appreciate them or their work, or I just don’t think to do it because of course they know that their presentation was enlightening, of course they know that their support made projects possible, of course they know that their kind words lifted my spirits.

But it turns out that they don’t necessarily know these things, and that these things are important for them to know.

A while ago I wrote to a “famous” person (famous within the small-ish circle of people who not only do what I do) thanking him for a presentation he did at my workplace, and I was surprised at the response I got. As it turns out, “famous” people don’t often get positive feedback on this sort of thing because everybody assumes that good presentations are normal for them.

Last week, the pianist who accompanies the choir I direct gave her notice because of negative feedback she’d received about other groups she works with in the same church. Only then did I realize I’d never told her how much I appreciated her skill, her ability of mold what she does to my needs, and her ability to accompany rather than dominate the choir. I’d left each rehearsal calling “thank you!” to her over my shoulder, but how was she to know that I didn’t just mean “thank you for showing up”?

And now, with Thanksgiving approaching, I was considering writing to each of my handful of close friends and explaining what I appreciate about them. I only got through 2 of the 5 letters I was going to write, but I trashed those letters. They seemed too sappy.

What makes this so hard?